TEIRSU OBU DI ABIS
by Saber Macro
Summary: This is the crackiest tales fanfiction in a chapter-basis. Mostly this events were taken from a (not so) real life situations of the writer.


**DRAMATIS PERSONAE:**

**Luke fon Fabre: Rich Post-Haircut. Thinks that he's the illegitimate child of the fon Fabre family.**

**Tear Grants: Obsessed to Luke because various reason. She wants to eat Mieu whole.**

**Jade Curtis: A necromancer whose secrets of youth is the blood of his victim. He doesn't like it if his curry uses blood as a dressing.**

**Anise Tatlin: A loli who is also a bitch. Mostly a bitch, but is also mostly loli.**

**Guy Cecil: Secretly a homosexual. Has a thing for Luke's abs.**

**Natalia: The only sane person (sometimes).**

**Asch the Bloody: Hides on Natalia's closet when nobody's looking. A pro at poker.**

* * *

><p>Luke Fon Fabre quickly ran into the tartarus cafeteria where everyone is chilling and eating some miso soup or something. Then, he quickly smiled as he brought upon the good news to his peers.<p>

"Guys! We need to return to Daath!"

All of a sudden, everyone turned to Luke.

Each of them have veins popping out of their skin somewhere. But Jade has the most wrinkles.

"I AM NOT THAT OLD!" Jade flips the table in-front of him as it hits Anise Tatlin smack dab into the face. As Anise fell down, Jade rushed out of the room, jumped out of the window, ran to Malkuth, and greeted Dist with a lariat.

Everyone who was still in the cafeteria looked at the door that was left ajar after Jade's rampage.

Guy Cecil quickly opened his wallet and gave Anise 3000 gald.

"You've won this time you little devil."

"I'll take you on anytime you homo."

Both of them glared at each other before Tear turned to Luke who is blushing like crazy up his face. Tear wondered what he was thinking to come into such conclusion, but after Anise's last word, she remembered one particular night.

She was walking down the street because she's kind of an insomniac and decides to take a stroll. When she get back to the inn, she heard some familiar voices and she knows who they belonged to. One is the voice of Luke, and the other is of Guy.

"SONIC THRUST" Guy roared.

After a lot of noises was heard, she remembered the voice changing to Luke. This time, he's twice as loud as Guy.

"**SONIC THRUST!"** Luke roared his throat out and leaving Guy totally speechless. Before a lot of repetition of sound was heard and then followed by the two of them gasping for air.

Then the sound of Luke roaring the name of his new arte was heard again, and again, and again, that Tear can't help but have a nosebleed before fainting. She was safely picked by a random and passing Behemoth who tugged her into her bed. Don't ask how, it's complicated.

Fast forward into the present, when Tear remembered it all, she quickly turned to Guy who is trying to arm wrestle with Tokunaga. His muscle popped out and guy's right arm is actually more ripped than his left.

"No way!" Said Anise with a look of disgust for the monstrosity in-front of her. "Is that an arm or a biohazard!? Damnit jesus that's disgusting! I think I'm going to hurl! Are you nemesis!? You're nemesis aren't you!?"

She stopped and hurled to her right, thens he looked at Guy once again.

"Do you see what I see!?"

Guy was then entered his thinking like a boss mode. Slowly opening his closed eyes and gave a sense of wisdom, he quietly whispered to Anise rather suavely.

"I don't know."

"**SHORYUKEN!"** Without delay, Anise Tatlin punched the crap out of Guy into the air, breaking through the ceiling of the tartarus, and hit the score somewhere on the exophere of the planet, which then bounce back to earth and landed straight on Emperor Peony's lap. The fal crushed the emperor's lap and Guy was sentenced to 200 years of his life tending the pigs of the emperor... and brushing the emperor's teeth.

Anise Tatlin gasped for air.

She gasped again.

She turned to Tear.

Drool was all over her and her mind was clouded by the hallucination of Tear being her mother.

Anise Tatlin quickly stepped off the chair and went straight to tear.

"Mother!" She yelled. A pleasant look on her face sweetened the atmosphere of the cafeteria.

"Anise!" Soon, Tear quickly followed.

As Anise Tatlin raised her hands for a big hug, Tear Grants raised her fist before pulling her palms and punched the shit out of Anise Tatlin across the room, through it, and made her land onto the marsh of the behemoth, where she met Legretta and she adopted her.

A happy end for Anise Tatlin.

But the story isn't over.

Tear looked at Luke who is dumb-founded by it all.

She then slowly walked to Luke. Luke who is half-scared by it, quietly walked back before hitting a wall. His last defense is his will that will not lose to anyone, but Tear Grants expression was too scary for him and he pissed his pants... figuratively of course. Doing that literally is just... ew.

As Tear Grants leaned closer to Luke's face, she seals the deal by kissing him rather maturely before grabbing hold to his body like a koala on an eucaliptus branch. Luke knows what to do as he switched the potition and have Tear's back facing the wall.

They both kissed pationately before rushing off to Tear's bedroom where they will play poker.

This leaves Natalia who is drinking milk in the cafeteria alone.

"I'm surrounded by idiots." She said as she tossed the cup of half-finished milk outside the tartarus.

The cup then are picked by a swarm of fish who in return passed it to the pelican. The pelican then toss it onto the center of Malkuth where Malkuth exploded.

Meanwhile, Luke and Tear is in a match of poker.

"FOUR ACE!"

"ROYAL STRAIGHT FLUSH!"

"FIVE JOKER!"

It was decided that nobody beats Asch who hides in the closet of Natalia's bedroom.

* * *

><p><strong>The Journey of Mieu into becoming a man.<strong>

One Day, Mieu met a man who treated him badly. His name is Luke fon Fabre (Long hair version)

Legend has it that this boy will grow and mature with the cheagle of blue.

...To be continued.


End file.
